The breakfast club

Last night I watched the classic, The Breakfast Club. I’m a little embarrassed to say that I hadn’t seen it before then. And maybe because I was barely paying attention but for the first half of the movie, I really questioned why it was even made. The plot seemed uninteresting and slow. But as I continued to watch the characters develop, I quickly retracted my statements.

the-breakfast-club-the-breakfast-club-541434_604_305

Continue reading

10 necessary grown up realizations

My friend Keila is like the therapist I never thought I needed but glad I have. Today she randomly sent me a text message asking why she had to find out about my latest venture through the internet. No real answer there except that I was sorry. But knowing that I have her support regardless really lit up my somber day.

We moved on to gchat to fully catch up. I tell you, not even fifteen minutes into the conversation, I was literally reaching for my Kleenex. Keila has an introspective way of communicating that always stirs me up. She’s just that friend that encourages you to wholly embrace whatever it is that you’re feeling. Which, at times, can be very awkward.

We talked about life choices, love, purpose and other not so fun adult stuff. It reminded me of an article I read earlier about adulthood. It’s never easy realizing that you’re an adult. That there are certain choices you’re solely responsible for. That some journeys can only be traveled alone. That sometimes you have to struggle to get the things that you want. The article lists 24 painful things you must do as an adult. Here are my two cents.

Continue reading

Cupcakes and condoms

In honor of National Women’s and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, Co-founders of The Red Pump Project, Karyn and Luvvie, decided to present an event around several U.S. cities. The Red Pump Project is a nonprofit organization that raises awareness about the impact of HIV/AIDS on women and girls.

To commemorate this day, I attended Cupcakes and Condoms,  hosted by the Atlanta ambassador, Skyy Banks. We spent our afternoon mingling, chatting about sexual health and, of course, eating cupcakes.

Red_Pump_2012_472962ec

 

Continue reading

simplify.

81768549454048549_T6UcyAB0_c

Word for 2013: simplify.

-to make less complex or complicated; make plainer or easier

In 2012, I had all of these grandiose ideas that didn’t come to fruition partly because they were too complex for me to understand. One thing I’m sure of is if I’m confused, no progression will take place. My goal is to make everything less complicated this year. Take that idea, goal, vision, and/or desire, and explain what I want in ONE sentence. If it can’t be done or said simply, you’re doing entirely too much.

Wise advise that I received last year: just write. Critical for me as I have a lot of plans and projects to undertake. Less talking, more writing.

Do you have a word of theme for 2013???

ml

 

Nothing lasts forever

While sifting through my 30+ unpublished blog posts, I came across one that I wrote it back in December of 2011. Not sure why I never hit publish. But after reading this post this morning, I just had to share this with you all. Enjoy.

12.29.11

I think I’ve always had in mind that nothing lasts forever. It’s kept me from taking things too personally and getting my feelings hurt. But I eventually did let my guard down and got hurt. But I reminded myself to learn from those experiences. Use them as teachers to guide me forward. To reflect and remember the good times. When you look at it that way, nothing really feels like a loss.

The danger in the relationships we form in life is in thinking that everything is permanent. We’ve all heard the saying, “the only constant thing is change.” Knowing this, I accept all that the universe brings my way in whatever form. I accept that absolutely NOTHING lasts forever. Not people, not marriages, not life. Everything is subject to change. And the quicker we acknowledge that, the easier it will be for us to accept the twists and turns in our lives. And the less hurt we will be by situations in life. Hopefully.

One of the truest quotes I’ve ever heard was concerning seasons. Every year, Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall come. Every year. And each year, each season is uniquely different. Do we ever question the seasons as to why they change? No. They have to. And so do we. Accept that. Sit with the “uncomfortableness” of it because it will make you feel awkward.

I remember one of the first times I attended a service at Destiny. I stayed after for one of the youth chats. We were split into groups with strangers. I don’t remember what we discussed but I remember telling a personal story. One of the girls, noticing my struggle, shared one of her own to comfort me. It touched me SO much, especially coming from a complete stranger. I never interacted with her after that day. I didn’t know her or anyone else in the group but I still felt a connection to her. I felt like that was my “moment” with her.

The moment we realize that life is fleeting, that nothing lasts forever and that we cannot control the future, is when we will start to savor each moment of life we’re given. Stop dwelling on what you don’t have control over.

I cannot waste another day not being happy with every single decision that I choose to make.

Take things one day at a time. Don’t promise me anything in the future. Promise me today. This very moment.

Nothing lasts forever. You live and then you die. That’s it. So live before you die.

People Come Into Your Life For A Reason, A Season Or A Lifetime

Unknown Author

When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON. . .
It is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are!
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part,
or at an inconvenient time, this person will say
or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered.
And now it is time to move on.

Then people come into your life for a SEASON….
Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons
things you must build upon in order to have
a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

I’m in a glass case of emotion!

this chat is brought to you by myself and a spirited Cancer friend…and the letter E, for emo. warning: mature language below.
me:  do you find it hard to reel in emotions, as a Cancer?
friend:  …as i’ve gotten older and a little better at understanding myself, i think that i go thru a wide range of emotions very fast, and if i’m not careful, they may all come out at once
me:  yikes
friend:  i find that i have to make a conscious effort to look at things logically rather than emotionally, but on the flip side my intuition (which may not be purely emotion based but plays a part).. my intuition hardly EVER is wrong. I may be really mad at something, but laugh and make a joke about something else then a little later cry about some completely different situation.  BUT i’ve learned that i dont have to make excuses for my emotions. If something hurts my feelings or upsets me, that’s just what it is and I shouldn’t feel bad about that.  some ppl who are overly emotional or sensitive prob shouldnt take that stance but i think it works for me
me:  i think….growing up as someone who has always bottled emotions, dealing with them at this point in my life is a huge challenge. i’m like what the fuck is this??? TEARS??? what am i supposed to do with this?! i’m totally undone. and for no real reason other than i’ve bottled things in for so long. like i legit have tears in my eyes right now. why? because i wrote the word ‘tears’.
friend:  i’m a bottler too actually.  I mean I cry, but actually going in depth about my issues as they develop, i suck at that, i dont think its good to be a bottler, but i also think you should be selective on who you open up to. some people will judge you if you’re too transparent and i hate that, i also hate when you open up to ppl and they stare at you and act like they’ve never been thru what you’re going thru.  even though you know for a fact that their situation was the same if not worse but they look at you like you’re a poor unfortunate soul, i cant.
me:  that’s kinda heartless.  i’ve acknowledged a few years ago that it isn’t good to bottle things in. i’ve allowed myself to “feel” and it’s an interesting experience to say the least. i just need more control over them. or maybe i can just read my damn tattoo and let it be.
friend:  please feel. i strongly encourage it actually. i think more people should feel. be vulnerable and feel comfortable in that vulnerability.  you should never have to apologize for your feelings, they’re yours and you’re grown
me:  it’s just foreign territory. but i’m learning to accept it
friend:  please do. i mean we all have to learn the other side of the fence. I bet you try to look at things logically. thats foreign territory to me! but i think its beneficial to everyone involved when i take that extra step and say “hey, emo girl WANTS to burn this bitch to the ground, but LOGICAL girl should prob just tell him ‘hey i saw all those hoes in your phone, i’m leaving’ ” see, it works. i say that to say, if you explore the other side of the fence, it’ll open up more options for you… i think
me:  lol!!! emo girl is funny
friend:  welll, what are you gonna do about your bottled up emos??
me:  i’m just trying to figure out how to put them to good use without letting them consume me. cuz right now, i’m drowning.
friend:  i would suggest writing but you already do that… i think you need something physical then, like exercise or kick boxing or something.  something extremely physical, but not like sex.. trust me, i’m a doctor.
me:  LMAO. it’s what i want tho….but i agree
friend:  have you been feeling like this for a while, or does it feel like it all just got dumped on you at once or was it gradual?
or is it something that you’ve just always had and now you wanna free yourself!  “Free your mind and the rest will follow” thats the realest shit she dun EVA SAID
me:  lol…just the last two years.
friend:  I get that. Well to get different results you gotta do things you’ve never done before.  Something substantial. it may be hard but it may just be what you gotta do
me:  yup. all that i’ve realized. it’s just weird. but i’m evolving!
friend:  good! thats the great part about life. growth and change!
me:  hey. do i have your permission to use some of this conversation in a blog post. i won’t reveal your identity. i can call you a “spirited Cancer”
friend:  lol absolutely!
So here’s the deal. For the past two years I’ve felt like I’ve completely lost control over my emotions. Not everyday. Maybe once every other month. It all depends on my diet, my relationships, movies I watch, and music I listen to. On those days, I wake up feeling like Ron Burgundy. Actually, I’ve never cried like that but it’s only a matter of time because I’m literally a time bomb waiting to explode.
I guess I can say it all started when I decided to love fully and completely a few years back. Everything went straight to hell from there. Kidding…but not really. Fast forward past heaven and hell and into this present moment. I just can’t. How does everyone deal with emotions on a regular basis??? I see babies and old people, I tear up. Happy movie, sad movie, I sniffle. Books I read, waterfalls. Love, I’m a mess. But you’d only know these things about me through this blog. I would never show it in public.
“Spirited Cancer” says I should continue to feel but this is dreadful. Or maybe it would be some kind of wonderful if I had more control. Fuck. Maybe this is just the way life is supposed to be. If so, I hereby concede to my emotions for today. So here’s how I’m feeling. I woke up this morning and my president was still Black. Today I also celebrate my thirteenth anniversary of living in Atlanta. I just ate hot wings for lunch and licked two out of five fingers. I may not exactly have a hold on my emotions just yet but hell, I’m gonna ride this bitch out.
“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.” -The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Love yourself

I was reading The Daily Love this morning and the topic was about love, of course. In the post entitled ‘Do You Know What Love Is?, they define love as “UNCONDITIONAL acceptance of what is”. They go on to say that ” if we can’t accept something as it is, it’s VERY difficult to change or transform it.” And transformation is essentially the goal. When you love yourself enough to accept your flaws, you love yourself enough to work on changing them. The love must be there.

The idea is to ACCEPT how you are with NO changes. This is the starting point of transformation.

This is the part of the post that I really like: application.

We are asked to complete a phrase mentioning one (or more) of our perceived flaws. What is the one thing that you will learn to accept about yourself today? I’ll start.

“Even though I _____________, I completely and totally love myself.”

• Even though I am an emotional wreck, I completely and totally love myself.

• Even though I drool when I’m extremely tired and make my pillow stink, I completely and totally love myself. 🙂

• Even though I care too much sometimes, I completely and totally love myself.

• Even though I can be very lazy, I completely and totally love myself.

• Even though I over think and over analyze everything, I completely and totally love myself.

• Even though I worry, I completely and totally love myself.

• Even though I have moments of insecurity, I completely and totally love myself.

• Even though I doubt, I completely and totally love myself.

• Even though I am irrational and bull-headed at times, I completely and totally love myself.

Whew!!!!!!

Now, it’s your turn. Be honest with yourself.

fear.

My heart has been racing all day. I really hope I’m not having some sort of panic attack or something. You know when someone startles you? Or when you abruptly wake up from a nightmare? That’s how my heart has been feeling all day. I think it’s The Fear.
There’s something good and bad we could all learn from fear. I’ve been experiencing it a lot recently. A crippling fear. And as much as I try so that it doesn’t, it ultimately wins. It wins in my career decisions, my relationships and in my life decisions. Fear always wins. As a result, I feel like I’m trapped in a never-ending cycle of ordinariness. It’s like watching paint dry or your intimates in the spin cycle. How utterly mundane. And this isn’t something you discuss with your friends. No. Your friends should be there to support you. Yes. But sometimes, you really don’t want to hear a “snap out of it” or “just do it” lecture. It’s redundant because you already have that information.
And how can you trust when you have so much fear? Fear of the unknown, fear of the possibilities. “Trust the process”…is that how the saying goes? It’s so weird but…I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my life. And that says a lot since I’ve been a scardy cat my entire existence.
I don’t even know what I’m mumbling about. I just know I literally feel sick with fear. I don’t know, maybe this is just a regular Tuesday. Maybe I’m just over exaggerating. Or, maybe this means something good is coming next. I hope.
 

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt