Unraveled, unrefined, untitled

I really don’t feel like spell checking or punctuating. I’m just gonna write the first few things that come to my mind.

I’m someone who analyzes my life situations over and over again. How did I let that happen? Did I see that coming? Did I create it in my mind? So many questions left unanswered and unresolved. In these moments of self-doubt and questioning, I’m thrown for a loop about my life. This happens a lot, btw. Just when I thought I knew what I was doing. I have to constantly remind myself that this life all a process, a journey. One that I cannot repeat (unless you believe in the afterlife. In that case I’m coming back as a viper!).

I’m not even sure what I’m rambling about. That’s how everything goes actually. Nothing makes sense but everything feels right. A few months ago my phone died and I lost a lot of notes with things I wanted to remember for that. I don’t even want to think about all I lost. It’s gone now. Much like the past. I’m realizing now how much I do hold onto the past. It’s familiar and comforting. But with every new sunrise, the past is erased. Much like all that I lost on my phone. I can’t get it back, it happened, it’s done. So why am I still thinking about it?

Because my mind doesn’t stop working. I create scenarios that haven’t even happened yet, in my mind. I mean down to how the conversation will go. FYI, people, BE CAREFUL what you think and what you utter. It WILL happen. I am a FIRM believer in this. I’ve seen it happen on so many different occasions in my life. I’ve willed people to call me.

It’s the scariest thing what we don’t think God hears, even when we don’t even open our mouths to speak it.

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