I’m Every Woman!

 I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, do you know what that means?!

She Got Her Own House, She Got Her Own Car, Two Jobs Work Hard U A Bad Broad, If U Aint On Sit Down….

Yes, if you ain’t on (whatever that means), please, sit down. She doesn’t need you (but she really wants you).

I’ve heard this so many times (even uttered from my own lips).

Accompanying the stories were the discouraging statistics that I heard from Dateline  stating that 42% of Black women are unmarried and have little prospect of getting married, compared to 23% of White women.

Enter the Beyonce phenomenon:

Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it!

Yes, if he likes it, he’ll put a ring on it. But, maybe he really DOESN’T like it. Maybe your attitude is a deterrent that is giving him bad vibes. Maybe your list scares the crap out of him (says a woman who has had a list with 50 items. Don’t worry, I got rid of it :D). Maybe he is intimidated by your success. Maybe your success makes him feel insecure. Who knows.

We all know men love hard and their recovery time from heartbreak is everlasting. Which comes as no surprise as to why it takes them so long to settle down. We also know that most men do not want to be pressured into anything they are not ready for, i.e., committment.

Black women outnumber men by TWO MILLION. Eek!

So if we have these statistics and facts, does screaming along to Single Ladies help our case? FYI: Beyonce is married. She sings single ladies and goes back home and sleeps with her husband. Don’t let her keep you single, honey.

Oh, I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with being single. Enjoy it! I am. But if you are that woman that has it all, yet has nothing, complains about the lack of selection of quality men, yet dates out of desparation, stop yourself now.

Like Hill Harper said in the Dateline special, “date a man for his potential”. Date him for what he can be. See his ambition and drive and all that he is doing to reach his goals. If not, yes, you will be every woman. Every woman that is unhappy and unmarried.

6 thoughts on “I’m Every Woman!

  1. “Date a man for his potential.” I love it and it’s so true. It’s okay to come up together. I truly believe that. Shoot, you may need each other to get to the next level.

  2. thats fine, if you’re like me in your 20s. I wouldn’t suggest dating for “potential” with a grown ass man who’s in his 30s and beyond. When does he get it together? When does that “potential” become reality?

    I think that black women need to stop listening to lower your standards, if by standards they are just asking for a guy on their level. Dating some dude from a lower class or less educated just to say that you have a date doesn’t even usually work, since there comes the resentment of success, different values, and lack of shared experiences (can’t talk about college days, promotions, etc with someone who hasn’t had those experiences or even worse ENVIES you those experiences). We do outnumber black men by 2 million and black men on top of that are the least likely group to marry. Why even stick around for that bleak mess? Plenty of other guys out there in the world: http://tinyurl.com/347np8e

  3. @Vonnie, By potential I meant someone who is actually working hard towards a goal. Not just stuck with an idea for years and has nothing to show for it.

    You don’t believe a woman who is a lawyer can fall for and be happily in love with a garbage man? I don’t think they have to relate as much as they need to have an opinion. I can’t relate to a lot of things guys talk about or are interested in but I can still hold a decent conversation. And if I care about someone, I will care about their interests enough to learn about them.

    I think that’s where the dynamic of the relationship shifts. When someoe starts getting jealous of their partners success, who much do you really love that person?

    I’m all down for crossing the ocean! Love comes in all colors!

    Thank you so much for replying.

  4. @lucy
    It CAN happen that a top notch attorney and a garbage man can work out, but let people tell it and that’s supposed to be the norm for black women. In no other culture are women told to date down so much. What happened to marrying well, marrying up, social climbing, etc? The way most women have married for centuries. http://tinyurl.com/29xen8s Let us start talking about marrying well and then gold digger starts getting yelled even if it’s just trying to marry someone on the same level. It’s ridiculous. And we can SEE where that’s gotten us, poorest segment of the population and the most single. OH JOY, let’s stick to THAT game plan, where there’s NO benefits whatsoever. It just irks me to see so many black women settle for less and not only that, get no marriage out of the deal, just a bunch of kids which equals an almost 75% out of wedlock rate. We are better than that! But the self esteem of these women are torn down from every side, and it makes me sad, that’s all they think they deserve. Nope, deserve the best! Beautiful, graduating college at a great rate, taking care of every dang body and every body else’s needs without worrying about their own needs.

    If the blue collar guy is pulling in good pay, likes to expand his mind, and a real family-oriented man, by all means marry him. It just usually doesn’t work out that way, starts talking about a “man being a man” and how emasculated they feel by not being the major bread winner and then that’s when the envy begins. Now if I found a blue collar dude who likes to travel, read, go to museums, etc then bring it on! I just wouldn’t suggest dating “down” just to have a man. And what about the blue collar women? why don’t the blue collar men want to marry THEM?? their fellow bus driver and all? The men are doing the social climbing in this community, being the “gold diggers” just without the stigma attached to it. There are way too many black men in the black community who are content to go from one woman’s house (mommy’s) to baby mommas and girlfriends couches. Where’s the reciprocity in that? But you get to say you have a man! And i’m not even saying this stuff out the blue, I’m talking what I see around, including my own daddy (love him, but i’d never marry anyone like him). And apparently from blog comments and stuff i’m seeing, plus the stats, it’s all too rampant. But no one wants to talk about that.

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